Dear Societal Slave,
I wanted to let you know that I'm through with being a conformist consumer droid and I've elevated myself to a point where I no longer have a use for a conventional name. I do not expect you to understand this, because you are still imprisoned in your earthly body and cannot reach me at my heightened level of knowledge, fashion and uniquely designed facial hair. From this point forward, I will be known simply as:
Additionally, if you must address me verbally, please address me with your best impression of a seal barking. The seal represents my inner torment and the lust for spiritual enlightenment and the arctic darkness of my eternal solitude.
One more thing… the next time you see me, do not be alarmed, as you might think someone far superior to my former pathetic existence has taken control of my cubicle. I have altered my appearance to fully assimilate myself into the great circuiting of egotistical supremacy. To avoid blowing your simple minds, here is a nearly accurate portrayal of what you can expect of my new earthly appearance of glamour and superciliousness:
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Seal Bark + symbol = career suicide
The Department Formerly Known as Marketing
Nowhere and Everywhere
(800)-telepathy
sealbark.symbol@noandeverywhere.com
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